so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
