Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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