thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
