I wish my penis had an off switch
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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