wanna go halves on a baby?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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