Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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