Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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