i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
