i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
