I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
