Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
