i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
