dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
