Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
