I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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