Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
not ubering you a puppy
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
