I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
