just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
