No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
