dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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