I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
