Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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