I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
