I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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