You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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