did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
