I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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