So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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