shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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