shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
