Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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