Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
