Don't make out with my wife yet
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
