Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
