Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Im part way to drunk.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
