I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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