Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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