I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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