can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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