Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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