i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
