Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
