How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
