I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
