so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
