He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
