I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
