I got chris browned last night
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
