please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
