she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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