will power is for people who don't want to get laid
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You made out with two different species that night
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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