I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
