I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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